I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
