I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
