Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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