I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
