I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
