my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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