you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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