Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
