Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and she was petting her beer can
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They took my balls.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
