Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
