He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
how does that bad decision feel?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
