she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
