Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
