idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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