Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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