we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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