just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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