Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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