i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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