you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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