I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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