I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
