So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
