loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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