laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
