I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
