toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
