New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
