my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
