Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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