new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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