After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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