I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
