oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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