Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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