Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
how does that bad decision feel?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
