Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I supernannyed him into submission
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
