The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
