I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
