i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
