I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
