I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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