the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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