I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
