2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
