When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
