I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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