I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
