He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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