Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
