Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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