high people should be assigned attendants
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
