areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Let's paint friendship bongs
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
