I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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