At least make sure they are 18
Why
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No more Irish car bombs ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
