i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
