im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
