he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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